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Lesson #7: Change is a constant in ministry with young adults – we need a dose of holy flexibility. 

As a peer minister at my college Newman Center, I was no stranger to the unexpected.

Ever-changing schedules, last-minute retreat signups, frustrations, misunderstandings – anyone who works in ministry knows that sometimes, the only constant is change.

I had to learn to stay grounded and entrust the ministry to the Lord, something I struggle with to this day.

Enter Fr. Bill. 

A Franciscan friar of 40+ years, Fr. Bill was the epitome of unbothered. I remember walking into his office one particularly difficult day, the tears already starting to flow. He silently got up from his desk, handed me a box of tissues, sat down in the chair across from me, and said, “What’s going on?”

I can’t remember what I was upset about, but I will never forget the way he allowed me to interrupt his day. How he made space for me. How he was unafraid of my tears. How he listened to me, unrushed, like he had all the time in the world for me.

Fr. Bill taught me the concept of “holy flexibility.”   

It was something he routinely reminded our leadership team about, but it was also the way he lived his life. 

He planned for interruptions; he remained calm in the presence of distress; he always retained his sense of humor; he guarded his prayer time.

Compared to the other friars, Fr. Bill said remarkably little. But his example of holy flexibility left a lasting mark on my life and has influenced the way I approach ministry – especially with young adults.

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One of the core principles of the Young Adult Initiative is that ministry with young adults is not "one-size-fits-all." 

This is something we learned within our first year of ministry, and it continues to be true 10 years later. Young adults – defined as adults between the age of 18-39 – are in different seasons of life, come from diverse cultures, backgrounds, and family situations, and are at different points in their faith journey.

Also, they’re people. And each one of us is uniquely and wonderfully made by God. While we hold many things in common, we also desire to be seen and known for who we are. In ministry, we call this accompaniment, and it’s the only model that works 100% of the time with young adults. 

This model takes a dose of holy flexibility on our part. 

At the end of the day, we cannot control how young adults experience God. We cannot control the timeline in which this happens. We cannot control what happens after an initial experience. We cannot control whether they get involved at our parish or even stay in our community. We are not in control. 

So, what can we do? 

We can create space where young adults can encounter one another and the Lord.

We can trust in their faith and in the ability of the Lord to work in them.

We can learn to be unafraid of their questions, desires, criticisms, and doubts.

We can grow in trust that the Lord desires to encounter each young person where they are.

We can plan for the Lord to be good to us.

We can train our eyes to see His Providence at work. 

When we give up our rigid plans and rightly order our energy and effort, we are giving the Lord permission to do whatever He wants. He is in control, not us.

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Here are a few tips that will help you grow in holy flexibility:  

Plan for interruptions: Okay, when I say, “Plan for interruptions,” I don’t mean, “Have a plan A and backup plans B, C, and D.” That just makes us feel like we need to control every aspect of an event to produce a certain outcome. Instead, plan enough breathing room in your schedule that allows for interruptions and inconveniences. When you’re hosting an event for young adults, don’t plan everything down to the minute. Allow for transition time, silent time, un-programmed time, reflection time. When things start to go “off schedule,” instead of immediately trying to get back on track, take a minute and notice where the Lord is at work. Perhaps there is something bigger happening, and the best thing you can do is allow it to continue. Build time into your schedule that allows for longer conversations during breaks, slower walks to the next activity, leisurely mealtimes, and the unexpected detour that the Lord may present through the ones you serve.

Be present: One of the most important skills for a minister is availability. Availability is being aware of what the Lord is doing in the present moment so that we can respond. When we make ourselves available in this way, we are opening our hearts to God’s grace, allowing Him to work in and though us. We cannot stockpile grace for the future. We must be present and available because it allows us to encounter God in the reality of our lives and the lives of those around us. We can often assume what people need or have an idea of the “right way” to minister. Being present reminds us that we minister in reality, not in hypotheticals. We accompany real people who, as we said above, are not always convenient or do what is expected. Our availability is how we make a gift of ourselves. When we remain present and open, we will find ourselves letting go of distractions and worries and entering more deeply into the lives of those around us.

Surrender the outcome: I know I sound like a broken record, but one of the most important things I have learned about being a good minister is the need for constant surrender. The less I try to control situations and force outcomes, the more I allow the Lord to do the work that only He can do – the work of conversion in the hearts of those I accompany. The work of conversion in my own heart. If you have difficulty surrendering to the Lord, I encourage you to read this post for some ideas to help you.

May the Lord increase our capacity for holy flexibility as we strive to follow His will in all things. Amen!

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This year, we will be diving deeper into our 2025 insights. Each month, we will focus on one lesson our partner parishes learned and offer concrete ways to incorporate these insights into your own ministry. May God bless our work!